3July2008

Distration= Doing Nothing?

Posted by Michelle under: Discipleship:

Another vacation post from several years back. David was three and Bethel was nearly two.

A friend mentioned recently that she sometimes felt like distracting her young son (toddler) was neglecting to teach him/ discipline him. This statement got me thinking about this technique, since I too, have found that it is a very effective technique with my own children. Here is a typical scenario: baby has to share or give back a toy she stole from big brother, baby throws a fit (screaming, hitting, etc.), mother finds something that will get baby’s mind off the toy she wants, baby is happy. Ever tried this at home?

So is this neglecting to teach baby how to deal with anger? Is it, as I sometimes am afraid, tantamount to bribery (”please stop throwing a fit, and I’ll give you this nice treat”)? I think this is what I’ve wondered about.

I realized that distracting Bethel or David is quite similar to what I do when I am dealing with anger in my own life. Here is a typical scenario: somebody does something I don’t like; I throw a fit (a very sophisticated one, but I might be moody, drepressed, irritible, or just sulk); I finally tell self “Self, get over it and find something else to think about”; I remind myself that God doesn’t promise to give me everything I want, but he infinitely loving and all-knowing, and promises to give me everything that’s good for me; I deliberately find something to do that gets my mind off of myself (for me, I’ll often make cookies for somebody else who will appreciate them).

So, distracting can actually be a part of teaching my children how to deal with anger or disappointment biblically. I think it is appropriate to explain how changing your thinking changes how you feel. Just last night Bethel was in the car whining because she was told no, and David piped up, “Put some music on for her.” That’s because I frequently suggest that he turn on some happy music in his room to help him think happy thoughts (he has a Scripture songs CD in him bedroom stereo) I will often say, “Let’s find something happy to think about” as I try to find a toy that will please a child instead of the one he covets. Sometimes I will point out to an angry child that as long as he is thinking selfish, unhappy thoughts, he will feel miserable. Then we’ll think of something happy to do. As I type this, I realize that I could do more directing that change in thinking outward to others (like what I do with cookies), and explain how thinking of others helps us to be happy, too.

I think that it is possible to bribe a child instead of merely distracting him by taking a pleading, servile position. I’m not sure of what makes the difference, other than to say I try not to do anything that will make feel me like I’m bribing. I’ll think through this and write about it in the next day or two.

Michelle

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2July2008

Reprint: Total Depravity of Toddlers

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized:

Since I’m on vacation, I’m taking a break from posting for the rest of the week. In the meantime, I’m going to repost a few articles from the archives. This post was first written several years ago when David was a toddler. I’d probably add to it now, but no time, no time today.

I’m somewhat fascinated at the lack of attention some give to the idea that there is no good thing in us, unless God puts it there. Now, theologians can talk for hours about this, particularly in how it relates to our salvation, but somehow this doctrine gets lost when we talk about pre-salvation children.

Here is what I mean. In theory, David has no power as an unsaved child to do right. He can “do the right things” but he is motivated for sinful reasons. I laughed when I thought about telling David if he pooped on the toilet without being told (like he does with pee), then I wouldn’t make him sit on the toilet after each meal (something he doesn’t like to do). Suppose he understood me and decided I was right. Now, instead of being motivated by a desire to control (I’m not going to do what mommy wants), he’s being motivated by… a desire to control! No heart change has happened. Take a very well-trained pre-salvation four year old. He’s nearly perfectly obedient, but is he spiritual? Not if we understand our theology right. We cannot please God as an unsaved person, right? All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags, the Bible says.

So as wonderful as it is to see David choose to obey and submit, I have to remind myself that that is not the goal. I think understand total depravity of a toddler helps me not to despair when I consider how little my training seems to change David’s heart. I am teaching him to comply, I’m teaching him that I always win, and I hope I’m teaching him good habits that will eventually become godly habits. All of these are important goals for the formative years. None of these things, however, change that he isn’t a “good boy”– he is a wicked sinner in need of a Savior.

p.s. David is remarkably well-behaved for a [nearly] three year old. I am thankful for his sweet disposition. But I am aware that good behavior does not equal godliness.

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1July2008

No Hugging?

Posted by Michelle under: Modesty and Purity:

Since I’ve had several questions about this post, I decided to make some explanations a regular post. [The real reason is that I spent a lot of time on this topic, and I don't want to waste the energy, so to speak.]

To clarify, I don’t at this point forbid [...] Continue Reading…

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30June2008

Breakfast Curiosity

Posted by Michelle under: Family Devotions:

This morning at breakfast, I had pretty much decided that I wasn’t going to bother having a Bible discussion. But Bethel asked if I would talk about the kings we talked about “last night” (it takes awhile to understand their lack of time sense). I was surprised and pleased. [...] Continue Reading…

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27June2008

Over and Over and Over and Over

Posted by Michelle under: Attention:

I’ve been interested in the difference in attention to audio books when the children are familiar with the story and when they are not. For example, Bethel loves Peter and the Wolf, but that’s because she listens to it every day. The first time she listened to it, she [...] Continue Reading…

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26June2008

Vacations and Godliness

Posted by Michelle under: In the Car and on the Go:

I found an excellent article on family vacations. It was written to fathers and husbands, but I found it quite challenging for myself. We spend much time preparing for a vacation: oil changed, laundry, house cleaned, finding ways to keep the children happy on a road trip. How about [...] Continue Reading…

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25June2008

How is the Heart Made Glad?

Posted by Michelle under: Wisdom:

It’s not a change in actions this week, or even something new I had never thought of before. But God’s Word has been challenging how I think about the challenges I’ve been facing.
Consider the work of God:
who can make straight what he has made crooked?

In the day of prosperity [...] Continue Reading…

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24June2008

Fear of Man and Following the Crowd

Posted by Michelle under: Fear:

Yesterday morning I was reading about Rehoboam and Jereboam, Solomon’s sons. I figured it would be a good topic of discussion at breakfast this morning.

I asked David and Bethel if they thought King Solomon’s children would be wise, since they had such a wise daddy. I told them that [...] Continue Reading…

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23June2008

A Girl/ Guy Talk

Posted by Michelle under: Modesty and Purity:

Awhile back, we talked about good touching and bad touching.

At one point, I said, “It’s not good to touch someone…” and Bethel finished “when you have dirty hands.” Yes, we’re off to a good start.

I started out talking about mommies and daddies. They like to touch each other. They [...] Continue Reading…

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20June2008

Unintentional Teaching

Posted by Michelle under: Uncategorized:

One of the things Jay Younts says in his book that has been a recurring thought is how much we teach when we’re not even talking to our children. When we talk to a friend on the phone about a problem, do we complain, judge motives, speak in anger, [...] Continue Reading…

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